By Michael Freeman, M.A.
Sometimes, it can be difficult to know when to leave a relationship. Perhaps things aren't great, but they're not too bad either. It's easy to sit on the fence for a while and just let fate take over, but it's better to make a deliberate choice to stay or go. When making this decision, an important question to ask yourself is, "Is this relationship unhealthy?"
Unhealthy relationships follow identifiable patterns. Though circumstances always vary from couple to couple, they are often characterized by:
- Frequent arguments
- Frequent criticism on either side
- Inability to tolerate the other's personal quirks
- Intolerance of the other's friends or family
- Unfair expectations
- Hyper-sensitivity by one or both partners
- Intolerance of occasional lapses of attention
- Psychological problems that lead to behavioral ones
- Inability to address conflicts in a mature fashion
- Excessive jealousy and mistrust
- Extreme insecurity or major obstacles involving low self-esteem
- One or both partners have addictive or destructive tendencies
- Few, if any, mutual friends
- One partner gets easily upset over unimportant or petty things
- Excessive clingy-ness
- One or both partners feels as if they are "walking on eggshells" much of the time
- Difficulty discussing feelings
This is by no means and exhaustive list, and just represents some of the traits that characterize an unhealthy relationship.
Your significant other is supposed to be a source of comfort in the world, not a persistent source of stress and anxiety. If your relationship offers no sense of peace or safety, it's time to end it. If the problems escalate to physical or emotional abuse, the need to breakup is even more urgent.
People often stay far too long in relationships that they no longer desire. They do this out of guilt, or a sense of loyalty to their partner (even in cases where abuse exists). Many people find themselves staying simply for their partner's benefit.
Why Can't You Leave?
Relationships are a choice. Or at least, they should be. Sometimes, we realize that a relationship is no longer working, but we stay anyway. There are many reasons why people stay stuck in relationships they no longer want, including:
* Guilt -- You can't bear the thought of hurting our parnter
* Loyalty -- You've invested so much and have a long history with them, even if it's a bad history
* Misplaced priorities -- You feel that your partner's needs are more important than your own
* Expectations - - You don't want to disappoint your family or your partner's family by breaking up
* Financial or logistical reasons -- You don't have the money to leave, you live together, or you have a child together (sometimes a good reason to maintain a relationship, but not always)
* He or she will "freak out" -- You fear your partner's reaction to the news
If your partner stands in the way of you living a fulfilling life, you probably need to leave. That doesn't mean disregarding commitments and responsibilities, but if you should never feel trapped in a life you don't want. All relationships require some amount of sacrifice, but giving up the possibility for happiness is not part of the deal.
If you want to leave your partner but have too much fear and anxiety at the thought of breaking up, there is help. Check out the links below.
Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships. Ladies can find breakup guidance breakup guidance:www.LeavingHim.com , and men can find breakup advice here: www.LeavingHer.com
Source:www.isnare.com |
