By RoseMary Alberts
How adults behave on a date depends more on their intentions towards the other person than it does on other factors. For instance, a man who really likes a woman is going to behave differently towards her than he would a woman he is only casually interested in. Sometimes, it is hard to know the difference.
If you really like a guy, you may not be paying attention to his body language, the inflection of his voice as he speaks, or the tone of voice in which he is speaking, and so might miss some of the non verbal cues that would otherwise clue you in to what he is thinking, and how he views you. Does he view you as a potential partner, or a potential bed partner?
We all know the dating rules, or at least enough of them to know what to do and what not to do on a date. However, if you are dating for real, some of those rules don't apply. The rules for dating were largely established a few decades ago to make it easier for people to date, and figure out how to behave towards each other when they had no idea how dating between a man and a woman is supposed to work.
When you date for real, as in you are looking for a lasting connection with a man, rather than a fleeting infatuation, you are more likely to put yourself out there, be more honest and more direct than you would be normally. The interesting side effect of such blatant courage is that the man you are showing your real self to is blown away by your honesty and will probably respond in kind. A real relationship is not based on mind games or attempts at power plays or control.
If you begin your association with communication, honesty, and forthrightness, the chances are good that that will be the basis for the dynamic of your relationship. If you or he goes the other way, and depends upon a list of antiquated guidelines to look to for correct behavior, the relationship will never really get off the ground because neither of you will ever really get to know the other person.
It's not about being polite, its about being you, the real you.
What happens a lot of times is that a woman will meet a man that she likes or who fits all of her idealistic relationship criteria: he is successful, he is good looking, intelligent, has a nice body, etc.....then she will try to figure out what he wants in a woman, and she will mold her personality to fit into what she THINKS he wants. Then what happens?
He is still not having a relationship with her. He is having a relationship with the woman he thinks she is. But she will soon grow tired of this game, and he will eventually notice that she is unhappy but will be unable to figure out why.
Dating for real is scary because it means that you have to let the other person in. You have to let them see who you really are in order to start something. Just as you need to see who he really is. You need to fight through the nice clothes, and the fancy car, and the sexy voice, down to who he is on the inside.
It's a long, arduous frustrating journey, but at the end of all that, guess what you will have? You will have a bond with a man who knows you don't look like Tyra Banks in the morning when you wake up, but loves you anyway.
So many men are looking for good women, and so many women are looking for good men, and they are all around us all the time. They are lonely and conused and have a few dings and scratches, or even a humdinger of a dent, but with a little care and patience, and honesty, they could be good for us.
What we put into a relationship is what we get out of a relationship. If you're dating for real, be yourself. If he takes off, he is not the one for you. That's all it is.
This is life. We are going to be rejected. It happens. But don't shy away from being yourself for fear of rejection.
The hypothetical man in the above story just wanted a woman to be with who he could share his time and his life with. If she had been authentic with him from the beginning, things would have been different.
Be Real. That is the only dating rule you really need to follow.
RoseMary Alberts lives in Florida and has a lifetime of dating experiences in her rear view mirror. As a attractive and young 50-year-old, she enjoyed the single life through most of her twenties and for the last ten years, since the death of her late husband. For online dating, visit: http://www.nsadatingsite.com/
Source:www.isnare.com |
